The art of punching cows: Part 4

To conclude our study of the many paths on the road to becoming a master puncher of cows, let us look at the most modern of the practices.

With the invention and spread of controlled electricity, many things changed and many technologies emerged to make the world a more shocking place. Among the eventual creations is the tool that a cowboy of daring and impatient character is bound to study and use.

The Way of the Forked Wand is not a subtle art, but it is a complex and precise pursuit. Unsuitable for much waving or gentle motions, the forked wand must be targeted and applied with specific and accurate intent.

Timing and location are important and a student of the Forked Wand must also be a student of not only the bovine psyche, but the bovine anatomy as well. And, of course, how a stimulation of a particular anatomical location is likely to influence said psyche.

The actual use of the bifurcated tool requires a steady and controlled hand and a well-timed thumb to run the activation button. A good practitioner will know when to use the juice, and when to refrain; where to apply directly, and when to deliver a glancing buzz; and of course, the wielder of the Forked Wand will know the power and the pain of his own weapon well. For it is impossible to perfectly contain and direct the power that it contains.

One will be bit by the weapon one uses, or one will apply the bite to the wrong human (on accident, of course). All that is certain is that one will pay for the use of the power.

The men and women who work this way are brave and can be found in the tightest spaces and punching the most disagreeable cows. It is truly the weapon of those with the will and the nerve to get the job done no matter the obstacles, danger, or personal cost.

You will find them behind the working shoots, in the squeezing alleys of corrals, and putting cattle on and off trucks while in range of the dastardly hoof cannons and horns.

Audra Brown is not a master of this art by any means, but can hold her own in a tight corral. Contact her at: [email protected]