Brown: Distance best measured in gates

There are theories and equations that are undecided and constantly debated and improved. A lot of thought and time and money is spent analyzing the motions and patterns of the universe. One theory in particular is of great concern out on the farm.

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The optimization of a route for the minimization of gate-getting ... while still getting to the destination in time to get any work done.

This conundrum is deadly serious and infinitely more important than such things as how to make a profit, how to get more work done, and how not to get stuck in a pile of tumbleweeds.

The parameters of interest to this theory are the number of gates, the types of gates, and whether the gates need to be immediately closed or could wait ’til the return trip.

You might — or might not — be surprised at the lengths any sensible person will go to reduce the number of gates to be opened, shut, or speak-of-it-not ... both.

A mile out of the way, for example, is no decision at all. Five miles might be noted. Ten miles could go either way.

If ever you observe a movement of a group of farm and ranch vehicles in their natural habitat of gate-infested land, there is a notable and serious maneuvering for position prior to being locked into caravan order by the narrow, one-wide roads.

The vehicle that leaves first is always strange.

As soon as that odd soul starts the migration, all the remaining vehicles rush to get in line and not, for heaven’s sakes, have to bring up the rear.

It seems a small thing, to step out and open the gate, and just as easy to close it in much the same way. Plenty of livestock has misplaced themselves, a few lost strangers have gotten stuck in the sand.

Boats use nauts, cars use miles, overseas they use kilometers, but distance is better measured in gates you have to get.

Audra Brown gets gates when there is no other choice. Contact her at: [email protected]