Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities
Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities
Ice cream bar commercials make me wonder what I’d do for one.
After solemn deliberation, here are a few things:
• Watch first-graders play volleyball.
• Play “Words with Friends” against Alec Baldwin during takeoff.
• Sit on a front pew without smirking about the length of women’s skirts determining their fates.
• Fill out another reference form for another mediocre student I haven’t seen in 15 years.
• Stop sneering at militias who spew conspiracy theories about men in blue helmets.
• Serve as a Big Brother/Big Sister reference for someone I haven’t seen in 20 years (and didn’t think highly of them during the three months I knew them).
• Stifle yawning at basal-cell, skin-cancer survivors’ tales (I’ve had 12 of the routine surgeries).
• Resist telling “the rest of the story” on the blog of a former girlfriend who keeps mentioning her former boyfriend.
• Not laugh at young dudes who throw tantrums and quit because us old men are whipping them in basketball.
• Pretend I care about not mixing whites and colors.
• Prevent my jaw from dropping to the floor when told God created perfect organs and the devil created cancer.
• Not give a one-digit salute to someone crowing because the Redskins beat the Cowboys — like they caught the winning pass.
• Sit on the Clovis Wildcats side while cheering for the Portales Rams tennis team (I figure tennis fans are more genteel than football ones).
• Wear an Obama mask to a little girls’ tea party.
• Out closet liberals in Clovis, Portales and Mt. Vernon, Texas, secretly opposed to private ownership of surface-to-air missiles.
• Tell the next hostile reader that their email has convinced me of the error of my ways, and I will join them in praying for “smart women in real short skirts who know how to flirt” (paraphrasing Jimmy Buffett).
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