Some signs work better than others

I found myself in unfamiliar territory for a chunk of this month, in a place where I was entirely reliant upon signs to stumble my way about. 

It was a fine time to wonder at how a species like ours — a species so good at so many things — can be so abysmal at signage. 

I have my theories. 

My first is that the people who are responsible for putting up signs to help others navigate a property are themselves so familiar with the property that they omit key information. 

They assume, for example, that everyone knows which is the main building in a multi-building complex, so no need to waste a sign identifying it as such.  

Instead, you will see the names of all the secondary units housed in that building as you circle … and circle … and circle.  

Or everyone knows where, say, the cafeteria is located, so need to mention that at all. Another nine letters worth of paint frugally saved. 

Next theory: The people behind the signs have never been to the property at all. 

They are simply making random guesses based on artists’ renderings — sketches that fail to note that traffic only moves in one direction past that particular site, or the doorway to that building is not visible or accessible from where the new sign will be placed. 

Other signs seem to exist solely for their humor value. Take this one: “Please keep door shut at all times.”  

If a door is shut “at all times,” is it a door? Or is it a wall? The answer seems obvious to me. 

A truly heart-breaking sign I saw one day was handwritten on a post-it note at a complimentary refreshment center. It read, “Out of coffee … sorry.” A cloud of disappointment hovered over the empty urn. 

It was only one of the reasons I rejoiced when a few days later I happened across a door labeled with the sign, “Tranquility Room.” 

At last, I thought. Finally. Where had this been hiding? 

My relief vanished with a poof as I saw the sign below: “Employees Only.” 

I wanted to believe that since this Tranquility Room was marked “Employees Only” that somewhere there was another for plain ol’ visitors like me. 

I tried to find it, but wouldn’t you know?  

 There were no signs. 

Betty Williamson has spent a lifetime looking for signs and has no intention of stopping. Reach her at:

[email protected]