Oreos remain mainstay of my life

 

September 29, 2019



“Kevin, you look like you’ve been chewing.”

I had some pretty dumb things said to me during high school, but this was one of the dumbest. Yes, the principal is clearly going to think I am a fan of chewing tobacco, which discolors your teeth, makes you spit black saliva, causes pain to your mouth and tastes kinda disgusting. Must be addictive if you do that.

Nope, those black marks were from something less addictive, but still a mainstay in my life — the Oreo.

Part of me wants to call it the chocolate sandwich cookie, as an acknowledgment that Oreos debuted after the similar Hydrox cookies. If you were to survey most Americans, they’d think Hydrox was the copycat.

Whatever brand you prefer, whether they be Oreos, Hydrox, the Newman’s Own or some other brand, they’re all pretty much following the same formula. Two crispy chocolate cookies, sandwiching a layer of white stuff (or “Stuf,” according to Nabisco) that is somewhat more solid than bacon grease and is comprised of 125 percent sugar.


There’s a variety for everybody. Are you like Weird Al Yankovic, who sang “The White Stuff” as a parody to the New Kids on the Block? Well, maybe your’e into the Double Stuf, which has double that white sugary substance. There’s also the Mega Stuf Oreo, which I spent weeks thinking was an Internet joke, but is a real thing with 286% the filling of a regular Oreo. I see that and I think, “Less space for the chocolate cookie. Pass.” Some people like the other extreme, and that’s where Oreo Thins come in.

Eventually, the flavors got flipped. One of my best friends swears by the Golden Oreo, which replaces the chocolate cookie with a butter cookie that is more, well, you get the idea. I’m not sure I’ll ever try Carrot Cake, Swedish Fish or the S’mores varieties, and I’ll have a very good life.

The original chocolate sandwich cookie is best in dairy products. My favorite flavor of ice cream has long been Cookies N’ Cream. Blue Bell claims it’s the inventor of the flavor, and it’s probably my favorite despite the fact I have family who work for another ice cream maker.

I’m a pretty reasonable person, and I’ll let you enjoy pretty much any flavor or any thickness of sandwich cookie. But what I won’t compromise on is the best way to eat it.

Some people like to just drop the cookie in and get their fingers wet. Come on, you know where your hands have been. Don’t get that in the milk. Some people like to put it on a spoon. But now you’ve given yourself a balancing act as an errand.


My preferred method involves a toothpick, and is the only reason the middle filling matters. Slide the toothpick into the center, then hold the entire cookie in the milk. Bubbles will come from the cookie, and the cookie will be perfectly soaked when the bubbles stop. I’ve had friends say a fork works too, but a regular-sized cookie might come apart with a thick fork. I only recommend this method with the thick-centered cookies.

But no matter your choice of cookie or choice of dunking, I think we can all agree on one thing. Six cookies is not the serving size, no matter what the package says.

Kevin Wilson is editor of the Eastern New Mexico News. He can be contacted at 575-763-3431, or by email:

[email protected]

 
 

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