Sloan: I had an awesome dream

With months of vegetarianism (interrupted by a brief hiatus on the Texas coast just for the halibut) probably making me unrealistically idealistic, I had a surreal dream about Rush Limbaugh.

Here are a few chestnuts I hallucinated him bellowing:

“I urge the good folks in Clovis and Portales to replace those Democrats-murdering-babies and hating-on-Hillary signs, which might make a few newcomers feel unwelcome, with the more reassuring: ‘Welcome to the High Plains- — Where We Haven’t Lynched a Liberal in Years.’”

“I am thrilled Congress is supporting the president in condemning Donald Trump’s remarks about Mexicans.”

“I urge citizens threatening violence against immigrants while screaming about the sanctity of life to chill with a cold cerveza and affordable lime, then adopt unwanted orphans.”

“With the U.S. firearm death-rate 20 times higher than the average of developed countries, National Rifle Association members need to grow up. No one is trying to take guns from your cold, clammy paws, but we need common-sense laws even the KKK can bear to keep minors, psychotics and gang-bangers from shooting children.”

“I can’t bring myself to give Obama credit, but the only person beheaded in the Middle East today was an ISIS member who forgot he was holding a knife while swatting a mosquito.”

“In the New Mexico desert a Hispanic militia encountered immigrant Anglo fathers dying from thirst and fed and housed them — then paid them fair wages for work no Hispanics wanted to do until they had enough to return and support their families in Arizona.”

“I apologize for calling a college coed a slut, the First Lady fat, the president ‘uppity,’ saying let stupid Mexicans do unskilled jobs, the NFL looks like a game between the Bloods and Crips, some people are born to be slaves…”

“I am donating my $40 million a year for spewing mindless hate to shelters for abused women and science books for listeners.”

After waking to cousin Chef Juandel preparing soybean burritos with whole-grain tortillas, to keep the dream alive I unplugged the radio.

Contact Wendel Sloan at

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