Sloan: Let the potshots at liberals begin

National online publication “24/7 Wall St.” recently listed Curry County as the most Republican in New Mexico at 67.9 percent in the 2012 election — with Roosevelt County on its tail at 67.7 percent.

link Wendel Sloan

This makes me optimistic about locally crowdfunding a guntry club called “High Plains Fantasies.”

We will make residents’ fantasies come true — a fenced-in range featuring live, liberal targets.

Customers can rent shotguns, AK-47s, rocket-propelled grenades and mortars — or bring their own. For those having spent more time drinking six-packs than developing them, we will provide four-wheelers for chasing down those skinny, un-patriotic liberals.

Customers may also pursue targets in their American-made duallies (no foreign or hybrids).

To make it sporting (and possibly legal), liberals will get a three-step head start while Lynrd Skynyrd’s “Gimme three steps Mister…” blasts above customers’ blasts.

To keep costs family friendly, most targets will be high school and college kids working for minimum wage and fries.

Hopefully, a few escaped Clovis/Portales inmates, homeless teachers and Rio Grande Corridor immigrants/wine-drinkers can also be enticed into the world’s most dangerous profession.

To maximize customers’ guilt-free enjoyment, targets must meet at least one of these criteria:

1. Voted for Obama or not advocating impeachment.

2. Gay or supporting marriage equality.

3. Attending operas willingly (The Who’s “Tommy” is OK), owning Pavarotti CDs or not switching channels when Madame Butterfly comes on.

4. Attending Curry or Roosevelt County Democratic cult meetings.

5. Not attending church at least once a year (Easter is fine), or not claiming our country was founded on Christian principles (actually naming a principle or reading the Bible is too onerous).

6. Spending more than 50 cents on 50 Cent downloads.

7. Not owning a Confederate-flag bandana.

8. Having “Fortunate Son” on their playlist.

With such stringent standards, it could be difficult to recruit enough home-grown talent — so we may import a few tree-huggers from California or Hillary supporters from New York.

There will be a 47-percent premium to hunt them.

Make crowdfunding donations to:

http://www.liberals_got_no_right_to_live_anyway.com.

Contact Wendel Sloan at [email protected]