Column: Perspective matters in elections

While I was on break Saturday night, I got a bite to eat and couldn't help but overhear a brother-sister conversation that went like so:

Little brother: "Hey, I'm thirsty. Buy me a drink."

Older sister: "You've got money. You buy it."

LB: "No, I'm saving my money."

OS: "Well, I'm not using my money."

LB: "Quit being stingy."

The little brother wasn't old enough to understand the irony of the situation, but adults do it too. I'm saving, you're stingy. I need help getting back on my feet, you're living off the government.

Perspective matters, and this year's election season has given us a previously unknown opportunity.

Meet Randi Shannon. The Iowan was running for the state senate as a Republican, and decided that getting elected was a fool's errand.

Did I say Randi Shannon? I'm sorry, I meant Senator Randi Shannon of the Republic of the United States of America. She now serves her people this way, and not under the "United States Corporation" that she says illegally formed in 1871 without citizen consent.

Now, let's not get bogged down in minor details, like how we don't know if the Republic of the United States allows women to hold office or vote (they couldn't in 1871). Let's stick with perspective here. Now you know that you can hold office, and leave those pesky elections behind.

There are going to be some changes around here, says Kevin Wilson. Make that President Kevin Wilson, of the Republic of Wilson.

I'll rule as a strict constitutionalist, because it's MY constitution:

• If you incorrectly use your/you're or there/their/they're, no more Internet for you today. Try again tomorrow.
• Running for office? Your campaign vehicle becomes a NASCAR vehicle, where your biggest donors get the biggest name on the car, and every donor gets on the car.
• No raisins in cookies. Seriously, guys.

I've got other rules, but I don't think it's appropriate to give them all out right now. I'm saving them.

And just so we can agree that it's all about perspective, beg me for more ideas. You've just got to tell me to stop being stingy.

Kevin Wilson is a columnist for Clovis Media Inc. He can be contacted at 763-3431, ext. 313, or by email:

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