Cannon couple help give direction

Janet Taylor-Birkey

The Doherty home is filled with big brown eyes and giggles all around from having a case of what Jennifer Doherty calls “the sillies.”

But the wiggling little bodies emanating the giggles are a far cry from the children who walked into the Doherty home — and their hearts —seven months ago.

That’s how long she and her husband, Capt. Jay Doherty, 27th Maintenance Operations Squadron, have been foster parents to the three siblings. And they love to tell how much the children have flourished during the time they have spent together.

When the children first came to their home, Mrs. Doherty said Jay would look at one of the little girls and she would freeze. But over the months she has warmed up to the couple. “Look at her; she can’t stop smiling,” said Captain Doherty, obviously pleased with how far they have all come.

But any parent, natural or otherwise, knows that rearing children is not all fun and games.

“You have to remember that when you get these children into your home they are terrified. They don’t know what’s going on. You give them all the love you can. It’s not going to be an overnight thing, but you gradually start to see changes,” said Mrs. Doherty.

The changes often come about as a result of the children knowing what to expect. Military families can offer the structure for children who have never known a routine, said Renee Fitts, a foster and adoptive parent recruiter for Children, Youth and Families Department.

Mrs. Doherty said daily routines help bring about the needed changes and feels that this is something the military family is geared toward. “They basically know what’s going on everyday,” she said.

Structure and routines lay the groundwork for more enjoyable times between children and the foster parents. “When you work with [the children] and get them to make the positive steps, it is so rewarding. You know that you have worked with them to help them love … attach,” said Mrs. Doherty.

It’s evident that the children and the Dohertys have attached themselves to each other, as the children call them Momma Jenn and Daddy Jay.

“Their social workers have been good about talking to them about [the fact that] it’s okay to love two moms, and it’s okay to love two dads, because they don’t understand that,” said Mrs. Doherty. “We are not their mom and dad. By calling us by first names, too, it gives them some separation and clarification.”

Unfortunately, there are times when foster children and foster parents are not a good fit with each other, but it’s okay to admit things are not working out. “[The state] doesn’t look down on you for asking the children to be placed somewhere else,” said Mrs. Doherty. “They want what is best for the children.”

It is asked that if this is the case, that the foster parents allow the state 10 days to make the transition, said Renee Fitts, Children, Youth and Families Department.

While everyone involved wants the best for the children, self-preservation of the adults involved is also addressed. “You have to be an advocate for yourself,” said Mrs. Doherty.

Her husband reinforced this by saying, “You have to know what you can handle, what you can’t handle, and a lot of times you won’t know until you actually get a child in your home.”

Parents and the children they care for need support from families who understand their particular needs. The Clovis Foster Parent Association helps the families by providing group parties, other social activities and on-going training for licensing requirements. “We get together to support each other,” said Mrs. Doherty, adding that Airmen in her husband’s squadron are very willing to help if the family needs something while he may be deployed.

Respite care is another form of support, providing foster families with four days off per month, said Ms. Fitts. The state also provides money for daycare, which give the parents a break and help children with their social and educational development, said Mrs. Doherty.

Many Airmen may feel the desire to be a foster parent, but for various reasons cannot commit to full-time care. Respite care is one option without making a long-term commitment. When offering respite care, licensed foster families care for children during times such as weekends that will allow everyone to have a break.

Rewards and breaks come as a result of sometimes unforeseen challenges. When asked what he thinks is one the biggest challenges, Captain Doherty replied, “The unexpected. You don’t know what can trigger a reaction from them. You ask them a question and they just freeze up. Something that you did not think was a big deal, had some sort of flashback, triggered some kind of memory.”

“But in the seven months [we’ve had the children], we’ve overcome that. They have learned to trust us and we have learned to trust ourselves a little more,” Mrs. Doherty said.

“These kids have had a rough life and by being a foster parent, you are able to have a positive influence … for however long you have them,” said Captain Doherty.

Knowing a separation is eventually coming is not easy, but “you just have to look at it that children are meant to be with their parents,” said Mrs. Doherty.

That’s the state’s goal and foster parents need to look at the situation that “for however long they’re here, we were a positive influence on their lives,” said Mrs. Doherty.