Father takes on role of stay-at-home parent in military family

The president of the Officers’ Spouses’ Club at Cannon Air Force Base is in the minority.

Not only is Mark Marius one of three male members in a club with more than 70 members, he is also the first male leader of an organization that used to be called the Officers’ Wives’ Club.

Marius is caring for his three young children while his wife works on base as a physician. Such uncommon roles sometimes put him in strange situations.

“I was talking to someone from a foundation for retired military in San Antonio. She was talking to me and referencing the Officers’ Wives’ Club — she kept referring to wives — it was ‘wife’ this and ‘wife’ that. I had to wonder, did she know she was talking to a man?” Marius said.

“But that was just the culture. You just take it with a grain of salt. There are male military spouses out there, but they’re just a little more hidden.”

One of Marius’ goals as the president is to get more men involved, said his neighbor and fellow club member Fran Nygaard.

“He’s such a great leader,” Nygaard said. “He’s able to bring everyone together. And he’s a wonderful father. He always has the baby strapped on.”

At home, the cries of Marius’ 9-month-old son or the playful laughs of his older children usually drown out his words. As he spoke of his life as a military husband and stay-at-home father, an anticipated quiet had spilled over the house — his children had gone to bed for the night.

“My philosophy,” Marius said, “is to keep it simple. I do a lot of barbecuing and grilling. And I do all the laundry and the cleaning, stuff like that.”

Marius didn’t just fall into his roles as a president of the Officers’ Spouses’ Club or stay-at-home-father. They were positions he elected to fill.

“When I met my future wife, I decided my choices were to marry my career or to be committed to her. And she was going to medical school no matter what,” said Marius, who dreamed of becoming a sports broadcaster, but pursued a career in Lutheran ministry.

“I decided to be committed to her.”

Marius’ life as a stay-at-home dad began when he and wife Kjersti had their first baby.

“I couldn’t stand the thought of the baby being in day care all day and neither could he,” Kjersti Marius said. “He’s a natural father but I forget sometimes that it isn’t typical. It’s surprising as a doctor to see a father come in and have a good relationship with his children — it’s usually the mother.”

Although Kjersti Marius is working in her chosen field, she regrets not being able to spend more time with her children.

“Sometimes my wife wishes we could change roles,” Marius said. “She wishes she had the opportunity to spend more time with the kids.”

It’s a role this military father doesn’t take for granted.

“I’ve changed a lot more diapers than my wife,” Marius said, laughing before he paused to reflect on the more endearing parts of parenting.

“The thing I love most about being with the kids is spending time with them — helping my son ride his bicycle or playing dolls with my daughter, seeing they have their own little minds, their own personalities.”