I qualify to be Republican mole

It may seem incongruous, but I’m offering consulting services for Republican candidates.

Since they already have corporate, Confederate, wealthy, gunslinger and Christian voters (African Methodist Episcopal Church members may be on the rail), I can help them attract more brown, black, snowflake and rainbow votes.

According to The Associated Press, only one in five Americans support deporting young immigrants brought to the United States as children.

According to the article, about 800,000 young immigrants, known as “Dreamers,” were given a deportation reprieve under President Obama’s Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA).

Sixty-eight percent of Hispanics, 61 percent of blacks and 57 percent of whites favor DACA — including 8 in 10 Democrats and 4 in 10 Republicans.

Dreamers had to arrive before age 16, live here since 2007 and be 30 or under in 2012.

They can get driver’s licenses, attend college and legally secure jobs. They pay income taxes and $495 to re-register every two years.

The program didn’t offer them citizenship or permanent residency, and now the information they provided could be used to round them up.

Although Portales resident Esthela Banuelos, who tutors low-income, first-generation college students, isn’t technically a Dreamer, she understands their fears.

Except for her youngest sister, she and her four siblings were born in Mexico and came to the U.S. when Banuelos, the eldest, was 9.

Her dad was a migrant worker who attained permanent residency with a Social Security number. Banuelos has also become a permanent resident, but not a citizen. She basically has all the rights of a citizen except voting and running for office.

She received her permanent residency weeks before turning 21, when she could have been sent back to Mexico.

She qualified under a family amnesty immigration act allowing her and her family to reside in the United States while applying for permanent residency.

“There was always fear of being sent back for the smallest infractions,” she said.

“Dreamers live in fear every day and are cautious about what they do. Most are driven to be successful because they don’t want to jeopardize their status,” Banuelos said.

“The U.S. is all many have ever known, and some do not even speak Spanish or have relatives to stay with if they get sent back.

“Not all are from Mexico, and many were escaping violence in their home countries. Of course, there are always a few bad apples who give the rest a bad name.”

Like Dreamers, I work cheap and know their cheerleaders fairly intimately. My shingle is out for Republican candidates needing an inside mole to exploit DACA supporters.

Here’s a sampling of my buzz phrases: “The American Dream in your dreams;” “I pledge my unconditional support during the campaign;” and “Even including the little brown ones who behave.”

After the election, while condemning Trojan sales, we will sneak Trojan elephants into fields of DACA donkeys to keep our promise of jobs for Dreamers by allowing them to serve as pack-mules bringing cheap bounty to us from their massa’s fields — preserving the sanctity of our way of life while giving them a pathway to peanuts.

Contact Wendel Sloan at: [email protected]