The Eastern New Mexico News - Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities

Sloan: Taco truck idea food for thought


September 17, 2016

Wendel Sloan

When Marco Gutierrez, a founder of Latinos for Trump, suggested Mexican immigrants could lead to taco trucks on every corner, voters salivated.

My favorite meme showed Forrest Gump running down a highway toward a taco truck.

Wendel Sloan

Candidates could butter-up voters by expanding the taco-truck-on-every-corner concept.

Inspired by Forrest Gump, politicians could offer pan-fried, stir-fried, deep-fried, sauteed, baked, boiled, broiled, barbecued, pineapple, coconut, beef, chicken, shrimp, Tex-Mex, Battleground-State-Mex tacos, etc.

Southerners could be proselytized with corner diners dishing fried chicken, squirrel stew, cornbread, collard greens, freedom fries smothered in store-brand ketchup, patriotic pie and sweet tea.

Yellow-dog Democrats could be dog-whistled with picnic tables serving chicken-fried steak smothered in white gravy, corn-on-the-cob, biscuits and moonshine — with their dogs treated to baskets of deplorable Aleppo.

Westerners could be swayed with chuck wagons serving steaks so rare they moo, mashed potatoes peaking through brown gravy, and pinto beans oinking with enough bacon to win swine showings at county fairs — washed down with Blue Ribbon.

New Yorkers could be wooed by carts slopping-out Anthony Weiner-tribute hot dogs (with sauerkraut for those supporting authoritarian candidates). Chicagoans will prefer Jethro Tull pizzas (thick as a brick).

Californians could be allured by kiosks dolloping out tiny vegan sandwiches stuffed with organic leafy stuff most of us feed to terrapins — washed down with Exorcist-colored smoothies.

Asian-Americans could be enticed with buffets in former gas and bus stations selling “All You Can Eat” buffets — with helpful signs identifying dishes — for $9.95. (Note to non-ethnics: The $6.95 moo-shu pork will feed a family of eight conservatives or 12 liberals.)

Candidates currying favor with Muslims should avoid serving pork chops in Scarborough Fair-like tents. However, lamb kebabs seasoned with parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme should bridge troubled waters.

Grilling Trump steaks for this voting bloc will probably be met with the sounds of silence.

African-Americans could enjoy any of these dishes, but NOBAMA bumper stickers should be removed from vendor vehicles.

Catering to palates is a surefire way to win voters’ hearts — even if campaigns are hard to stomach.

Contact Wendel Sloan at [email protected]


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