Wilson: Final spot on Generals job for me

The great news Wednesday? The Harlem Globetrotters called our office. The bad news? It wasn’t for me.

An otherwise boring afternoon found me speaking to a very pleasant representative of the team that finished just ahead of the Philadelphia 76ers as the funniest basketball team in the world. The Globetrotters win out because they’re trying to be funny.

They’re coming to Eastern New Mexico University’s Greyhound Arena Feb. 11 for their tried-and-true basketball comedy. But on Jan. 27, they were trying to reach our reporter.

That reporter wasn’t around, so I made small talk while I jotted down the representative’s callback number.

“I just wish you’d make the Washington Generals or their coaching staff available for interviews,” I joked. “I always wanted to ask the coach how, after seeing the Globetrotters’ weakside lob play 21 times in a row, they failed to defend the 22nd time.”

The media representative politely laughed, and said she wasn’t sure if I knew, but the Globetrotters no longer play the Generals.

I’d heard something of that sort a few months ago, but getting the news straight from the red, white and blue? Hit me like a bucket of confetti.

My first thought: Well, who are the Globetrotters going to play? If they’re holding their own against ranked Division-I teams, I’m sure the Globetrotters wouldn’t have much trouble with Eastern New Mexico University, or anybody in the Lone Star Conference.

My second thought: Come on, Barack Obama, what are we even doing out here? I don’t care what employment charts you wave in my face. The United States has, in the dissolution of the Generals, lost the best 12 jobs the country could possibly provide.

Mind you, you had to be qualified: Any Washington Generals roster listed legitimate heights and weights, and previous time at a legitimate college basketball program.

But what would I rather do, punch some timecard or get paid to travel the country and play basketball with no expectations or pressure?

Everybody plays because they say they love the game. Well, that’s the only thing a General really had to worry about ... that, and having their pants pulled down by a Globetrotter every so often. There are no groupies to worry about. No relentless autograph seekers. No getting bothered when you’re out eating. No media descending upon you, despite my best efforts.

And if you did win? You’d be the stuff of legends, like the one time in 16,000 the Generals did win. On a cold-shooting night in 1971, Generals owner/player/coach Red Klotz sank a hook shot to seal the upset. Washington players celebrated like NBA champions, and poured orange soda over each other because they won in a dry county and couldn’t buy champagne. It made the series better knowing that the Generals could win one, but Klotz said the fans that night looked at him that night like he had killed Santa Claus. If you ever get a chance, go read Joe Posnanski’s “A Basketball Carol” about Klotz, the world’s biggest loser.

I’ll be happy when the Globetrotters do come to town, and they do their same tricks. But when I see the other team, part of me may wish the Generals were still there and they’d give me that final roster spot. I’d be a great teammate. And I can still hit the corner 3.

Kevin Wilson is a columnist for Clovis Media Inc. He can be contacted at 575-763-5541, or by email:

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