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Wilson: Betting on ridiculous winnings

Anybody who knows me needs no lesson on how much I disagree with some of the other columnists we have in our fine publications. But I do find common ground every so often.

There are several times I’m tempted to pen a response to, say, a Kent McManigal column. But I give up before I start, knowing the editors will spike it in a heartbeat to avoid an editorial page civil war.

Instead, I’ll tell you an area where Kent and I agree: The lottery is a voluntary tax on people who are terrible at math.

Kevin Wilson

Having said that, we’re talking about $900 million for Powerball. So yes, I did buy into the lottery pool at work … mainly because I don’t want to be the one guy who didn’t on Monday morning. And yes, I did chart our tickets so I know what we want the Powerball to be, because data is beautiful. And yes, I did buy my own tickets so I could dream separately from coworkers.

I know it’s nonsensical, but I don’t play the lottery for less than $100 million, because I’m boring when the jackpot is in the six figures. “Hmmm, pay off the car, new house, get some nice furniture, but keep the current TV and the current job and set aside a retirement annuity.” As my phone’s auto-correct would say, “Ducking boring.”

I don’t want to win comfortably. I want to win ridiculously. I want to go from five figures to nine figures.

Now, statistics show that seven of 10 lottery winners spend everything in three years, regardless of prize amount. So I’d hire a good money guy to make sure I’m in the 30 percent first. But after that I’d be Mortimer Brewster:

• I want to be the mystery guy that single-handedly helps a charity reach its unreachable goal.

• I want to buy naming rights to stadiums and name them after people who did behind-the-scenes work their entire life.

• I want to help construct needed buildings in the area, but require they be named after Barack Obama just to make conservatives uncomfortable.

• I want to buy a Super Bowl commercial, just to tell my high school friends how my day is going. Facebook updates are for poor people. Sorry, guys, should have picked better numbers.

In my private moments, I’d probably still buy the same foods, watch the same movies, keep my current phone because I don’t want to break the contract and hold off on that video game system because I just wouldn’t play it enough to justify the cost.

If I won the lottery, I’d be boring and ridiculous, so nobody could say money changed me.

May the odds be in your favor. But if none of us win at $900 million, you’d better believe I’m buying more tickets for the next drawing, no matter how right Kent is. My billionaire list is even more ridiculous.

Kevin Wilson is a columnist for Clovis Media Inc. He can be contacted at 575-763-3431, ext. 318, or by email:

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