Johnson: Not easy being a tarantula

Crouched around a hole in the ground, a group of boys would dangle a blob of chewed bubblegum on a string, plunking it into the darkness until…

Bingo! Out she would come in a huff to attack the invader only to find herself hoisted upward, her fangs (and anything else that made contact) stuck to the gooey glob.

Bubblegum fishing in New Mexico: It’s a real thing — or at least that’s the story some old timers tell of how they caught tarantulas in their boyhood as a pass-the-time activity for boring summer days.

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In search of ponies

Details of how the unfortunate spiders were separated from their adhesive foes, however, are rarely included. After being de-stuck, no doubt many found their way into jars with lids poked full of holes, while some were probably lucky to be released and scurry back to their burrows, in the dark of which they surely spent hours trying to rid themselves of the sugary evil that had befallen them.

Big, with hyper-exaggerated features that give a naked-eye glimpse at what all their tiny cousins must look like up close, tarantulas are a novel sight that almost defies the rules of reality — making them a natural curiosity for kids of all ages.

This time of year, however, bubblegum fishing is not required (yes that was a collective sigh of relief you just heard from tarantulas everywhere in the state).

In the fall, they are out of their burrows and strutting their stuff, which means a couple of attentive eyes are all one needs to catch a gander of the oversized, hairy eight-legged ones.

Sometimes referred to as an annual migration, what’s going on is more like a search for romance and the tarantulas one encounters on roads are usually fellows out searching for a lady.

Remarkably fragile for all their frightening looks, it’s tough to be a tarantula. Aside from the harrowing love pilgrimage, a fall can be fatal and predators — birds, reptiles, rodents and more — are around every corner.

On the flip side, while their bites are pretty uneventful, they can fling their abdominal hair at an enemy, which brings on a heck of a rash. They also have retractable claws that help them climb and they can regenerate limbs if they’re unfortunate enough to lose one in a scrap.

A newcomer to the region may find the sight of big–as-a-hand spiders walking around a little disturbing at first, but rest assured, they mean no harm and are happiest if left to carry on their search.

Not only do they travel long distances hoping to find an available female to mate with, they traverse difficult landscapes through hot days, cold nights and a gauntlet of dangers that stand between them and their dreams.

If lucky enough to find a lady amidst the vast nothingness that stretches in every direction, they face a bittersweet reality — not only might they be the only suitor she has seen for a while, her meal options may be on the slim side too, which means after they realize their dream and conceive the next tarantula generation, they may very well become lunch.

After all, mom’s eating for several hundred now.

Being eaten by the object of their affections aside, it’s a rough life and male tarantulas are lucky to last to the ripe old age of 8, less than half the lifespan of the ladies.

All things considered — short of teaching one of these wandering Casanovas the life-saving skill of bubblegum fishing for his next mate — shouting “good luck, dude” while admiring his dedication from afar seems like the charitable thing to do.

Sharna Johnson is a writer who is always searching for ponies. You can reach her at:

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