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This looks like a job for chains

link Audra Brown

There are those items that a person should never be without. Duct tape, a roll of blue paper towels, an assortment of nylon ties, some rust-penetrating spray lubricant, a 15-inch crescent, mid-sized pipe wrench, some GOJO degreasing hand cleaner, and a good chain.

Nothing can quite replace a decent length of flexible steel. What else are you going to use when you need to pull someone, something, or some cow out of a marshy mud hole? What else can you boom down equipment on a trailer with that locks it down like you welded ‘em together? How about when it’s time to deep-break a field with the plow that takes two tractors to pull? Tractor one hooks onto the plow and tractor two runs ahead and pulls tractor one with a length of chain.

That is a crazy job in and of itself, and a broken chain is dadgum scary in that situation, but it does the job.

What about a tow-strap, some might say. Well, for a few tasks, a strap can work, but straps flex and stretch and they don’t clean up nearly as good. For example, when a big, bloated, bovine corpse needs to be moved (either vertical or horizontally), a chain doesn’t soak up the smell for long. After the next rain or a deliberate faucet visit, the chain is back to being unscented steel.

How about situations where a strap might get cut? Or when it just can’t handle the weight? Lifting things that are too heavy to lift yourself, too big to lift yourself, and too awkward to lift with just a bucket or some forks.

A chain even has that unique ability to lock against itself to prevent all the slipping, sliding and shifting that could cause more than a little disaster. It also makes it most remarkably effective at pulling posts. Taking up everything from cedar posts to posts made of pipe or big well-casing, or even a tree. A chain just works for that job.

Chains live a varied life. They spend a lot of time waiting around in the back of the pickup too. They drag dead cattle, hang critters up to skin, connect tractors, unstick things stuck in whatever, boom down loaded trucks, fall off trucks, get picked up out of the barditches, and pull lots of posts. They lift engines and rocks and sprinklers and upside-down cows. They whack rattlesnakes and pinch your fingers and get tangled up in unfortunately-sized perforated metal grills.

Audra Brown has boomed a lot of chains. Contact her at: [email protected]