'Twas the day before Christmas

And readers were fuming

For their favorite columnist

Had an idea for exhuming.

The writing was there

Like it had been before

Kevin was reviving

Parody shtick once more.

“You’re far from our favorite;

We find you quite witless

You’re simply rewriting

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.’

“Your brain likely fits

In a quite small diameter.

See, you can’t even stay

In iambic pentameter.

“I’ve got last year’s column;

I’ve read it completely.

I’m watching out to see

No lines should repeat, see?”

That should be a challenge

To keep this original

But I will try to keep my

Recycling in the minimal

I’m not too concerned.

Heck, I’m not even petty

Even though I believe

My Christmas ended already

I shopped for my sibling

My parents, my nephews

My niece got some gifts,

And to make this rhyme ... horseshoes.

I got all the gifts

That I needed and more

I made many stressful visits

To many stressful stores

To make shopping easy

To keep it not so hard

I usually tell my family,

“Buy gift cards.”

Perhaps it’s a sign

I’m getting quite older

Folks ask what I want

I just shrug my shoulders.

But Christmas confusion

Is no reason to bawl

For not needing anything

Is the best gift of all.

Traditions still go on.

I say this quite factually.

I have Christmas movies,

And none are “Love, Actually.”

I still have to watch

“Die Hard” and “The Ref,”

And after that, “Scrooged”

Is the only one left.

It’s time to stop writing

This column’s unraveling

I’ll watch Christmas Day games

And yell, “Call the traveling.”

I’ll leave you with this,

And I hope this is ominous.

The best way to give?

From Anonymous, to Anonymous.

Kevin Wilson is a columnist for Clovis Media Inc. He can be contacted at 763-3431, ext. 318, or by email:

[email protected]