Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities
Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities
Local columnist
I was suspicious when the knock came at the door. I wasn’t expecting anybody.
The suspicion continued, even after I recognized my longtime mail carrier. I wasn’t expecting a package today.
Oh, it’s a wrapped package from an online merchant. Looks like the family has started shipping me stuff. I’d better be careful to check the packing slip, so as not to ruin the surprise, because only horrible people peek at their gifts.
So I was checking the packing slip, and noticed my name was listed as “Kevin D Wilson.” Why would my mother put the middle initial in there? I never use the middle initial, unless it’s signing legal documents or I’m using my credit card ... oh no.
“Merry Christmas, from Kevin.” And I knew I had again taken part in my worst Christmas tradition. Order, pay, watch credit card bill skyrocket is my tradition 11 months out of the year. During the 12th, there’s a Step Four — change the shipping address.
This is the third straight year I’ve forgotten Step Four, once for a friend in Texas and twice for my parents. When I forget Step Four, I find out a few days later and begrudgingly institute Step Five — find something else to throw in the box to make it look like that was the plan all along.
Make some baked goods. Go buy locally produced candy. Buy a card (always buy a card). Make it fit in the previous box, largely by removing the protective packaging, and I was ready to go.
I got to the post office door, and about a foot farther because that’s where the line ended. And everybody else in line had this exasperated look that said, “I could be out of here in three minutes, but noooooooo ... because everybody else just HAD TO wait until Dec. 15 to mail stuff.”
I watched at least four people walk in, say something along the lines of, “Forget that,” and walk out. I wondered if I could set up a cottage industry on mornings before I have to head into the office. Kevin Wilson, professional line-mailer.
The basic pitch: I’ll stand in line for you and mail your package, provided you pay me $10 on top of the actual mailing costs. I’m willing to bet I could have gotten quite a few people to bite — and because the Post Office employees were working pretty efficiently, I could have got in at least four runs through the line. That’s $40 an hour.
But I didn’t know how much it would cost to mail my package, let alone those of complete strangers. Would I take the $10 upfront, and send them an invoice? Carry a postage scale with me while in line? Charge a flat fee and hope for the best?
Before I got the details worked out, I was at the counter, debating whether a dozen chocolate snickerdoodles were fragile or perishable. And I was out of there, business idea forgotten.
I don’t think I’ve got any more stuff to mail between now and Dec. 25, so I can do my other traditions of watching “Die Hard,” “The Ref” and “Scrooged” and looking for the perfect marshmallow to cocoa ratio.
But if you see me at the post office next year, and I’m in line, just know that I’m there because of Step Four, but my place in line is up for negotiation.
Kevin Wilson is a columnist for Clovis Media Inc. He can be contacted at 763-3431, ext. 318, or by email:
