Time, change erode family traditions

My grandpa and grandma — ages 90 and 86 — spent Thanksgiving alone this year. With the exception of their one daughter, two of their children and all five of their grandchildren have moved away from their home in California.

I wonder how this state of family affairs came into existence, one where the two patriarchs are spending the holidays alone.

In the 1990s we always had a family gathering. And this wasn’t just for Thanksgiving. We’d get together for Christmas and birthdays throughout the year.

The families would meet at my Uncle Den and Aunt Lorlei’s house outside of San Francisco. Uncle Den would cook turkey, homemade mashed potatoes with gravy, and all the other traditional fixings.

My grandparents would sit at the head of the dining room table and listen to my aunt talk about her new boss. Mom and Dad would be there too, sipping on gin and tonics. I always remember they would discuss the different highways and interstates leading into the Bay Area.

All this talk was boring, so my sister and I would retreat upstairs with our cousins and play games on my uncle’s top-of-the-line computer. I remember we were awestruck when he installed a four gigabyte hard drive in it.

When dinner was ready we’d come downstairs and gather around the dining room table. We’d hold hands, say grace, and eat the meal my uncle had prepared.

I miss those holidays.

But when I look back at the past 20 years, I can see how our family traditions started eroding away.

It began with my parents’ divorce.

Mom remarried, and my sister and I moved with her to Indiana to live with her new husband. Four people were gone.

We still came back every now and then, but it never felt the same — that close-knit feeling had vanished.

If you aren’t around people on a consistent basis it can be difficult to maintain an intimate connection.

But the biggest blow to our family was when Uncle Den passed away. He was the glue that held us all together.

After his passing, the family scattered even further.

His daughter moved to southern California with her husband and son to pursue a new job. My widowed aunt started dating again, and she now spends her holidays elsewhere.

And that’s how my grandparents ended up alone on Thanksgiving.

Truth told, they are OK with this arrangement, or if they aren’t they don’t complain about it outwardly.

But I still think there’s something wrong with it.

With so many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren they should always have people around for the holidays. It should be like it was when I was younger. But I’m left with the realization that in their lifetime it will probably never be this way again.

Kitsana Dounglomchan, a 12-year Air Force veteran, writes about his life and times for Clovis Media Inc. Contact him at:

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