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Wendel's list of extended commandments

link Wendel Sloan

Local columnist

I am fine with The Ten Commandments being posted on taxpayer property — as long as my 11 receive the same treatment.

Here are Wendel’s 11 commandments:

• Thou shalt have no other gods before me — although I would appreciate receiving recommendations about the ones cool enough to hang with.

• Thou shalt not make graven images, or likenesses of anything in heaven above, or in the earth beneath, or in the water under the earth — however, exceptions are permitted for silkscreens depicting stars formed a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, blood-free diamond rings, and souvenir spring-break shark-hats.

• Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain — but if it happens spontaneously during Cowboys games, please substitute “Romo.”

• Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy — and take a day of rest from bashing naturally sun-protected foreigners who dress funny, eat spicy food and are bilingual but can’t speak English as well as us (not to be confused with Texans).

• Honor thy father and mother — and everyone else who has a father and mother or wish they did.

• Thou shalt not kill — except for militia members shooting at teenagers escaping violence by swimming across the Rio Grande.

• Thou shalt not commit adultery — but if thou doest, be sure to keep attending thou favorite church, synagogue or mosque so no one will suspect.

• Thou shalt not steal — unless thou works on Wall Street and have donated to politicians who will bail thou out when thou get caught.

• Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor — but feel free to post anything thou want about everyone else on Facebook.

• Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, nor thy neighbor’s wife — unless they have a hot-tub and thou have seen her in it.

• Thou shalt not make patronizing comments to Wendel — unless thou have read more about thou commandments’ origins than he has, and — although not set in stone — have hooped it up with him.

Contact Wendel Sloan at:

[email protected]

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