Here's to hoping it will work for me
I lost a bet this football season, and had to spend a month with a photo of me in a dress hanging in my car under the terms of said wager (it was Photoshopped). So that was bad. But at least I didn’t get an entire state mad at me.
Last week, in the days leading up to the Super Bowl, the mayors of Denver and Seattle did one of those friendly for-show bets we get every time teams from different cities play one another. Seattle Mayor Ed Murray wagered a bunch of Seattle-themed items, and Denver Mayor Michael Hancock put up some ski stuff and some of Denver’s “amazing green chiles.”
Seattle won, and they’ve scored another touchdown while you’ve been reading this paragraph. But that’s the least of Hancock’s worries, for he started a border war. New Mexico takes its green chile seriously, and a non-New Mexican publicly promoting non-New Mexican green chile infuriated the Land of Enchantment because of course it did.
The state sprung into action. Katie Goetz, a spokesperson for New Mexico’s agriculture department, said in no uncertain terms, “We are the chile state.”
Some other people in Goetz’ department, or maybe Goetz, sent both mayors a care package of New Mexico’s green chiles. I hope whoever did it added a little more New Mexico flair and channeled Walter White. If there’s not a box on Hancock’s desk with Hatch Valley green chile and a note that says, “Say my name,” we’ve missed an opportunity.
I understand pride and attachment to regional cuisine. During one visit to a burger joint in Montana that featured a green chile cheeseburger, it took all of my willpower not to say, “You mislabeled your relish.” And when I leave Montana, I swear nothing takes the place of a Clubfoot sandwich from Staggering Ox in Helena.
But it’s amazing and/or depressing that New Mexico has things to deal with like stagnant job growth and a struggling educational system, but moves with military precision to defend green chile and send free stuff to anybody who slights it.
Oh, well. On a completely unrelated note:
• Hey Seattle, I make a better cup with instant coffee. The secret is to use coffee beans, not sewage.
• Hey, Toblerone, I know you think pretty highly of your chocolate bars, but I wouldn’t feed them to farm animals. And just for the record, we’re talking about the milk chocolate ones with the honey and nougat pieces.
• Hey Pom Wonderful, nice try with that blueberry juice blend. Maybe somebody will buy some, so they can spill it and demonstrate how great their carpet cleaner is.
• Hey Chicago, New York style pizza is better.
• Hey New York, Chicago style pizza is better. And your cheesecake is terrible.
Thanks for listening to the ramblings of a guy who can be reached through Clovis Media Inc., P.O. Box 1689, Clovis, NM 88101
Kevin Wilson is a columnist for Clovis Media Inc. He can be contacted at 763-3431, ext. 319, or by email: