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Pregame show could top TV ads


A few ramblings from my couch, the grocery store and my Michael J. Fox-inspired dreams.

• Sunday’s Lakers-Celtics game was just fantastic to watch, but I could have done without homerism masked as NBA coverage. ABC had a halftime interview with Lakers coach Phil Jackson. That’s a fair and timely interview to do, with Jackson one win away from topping Pat Riley as the franchise’s winningest coach. The interviewer just should have been somebody other than Magic Johnson, the current vice president of ... the Los Angeles Lakers.

• As a constant watcher of movies, I believe there are several places where it’s appropriate to have spirited film debate. Having said that, the front of a Redbox DVD kiosk with six people behind you is not that time.

• I think I’m a little too obsessed with “Back to the Future: Part II.” I actually dreamt last week that I had for some reason traveled back to August 1999, and I couldn’t convince anybody to bet on the St. Louis Rams. “Yes, I know they’re a 200-1 shot for the Super Bowl, I know they just promoted some Arena League guy named Kurt Warner to starter. And I know ESPN’s fledgling magazine just had a layout mocking the Rams’ situation. Just trust me, you’ll make a ton of money, and Rick Reilly’s going to be writing for ESPN when he stumps for Warner’s Hall of Fame candidacy.”

Come to think of it, 1999 Kevin Wilson probably wouldn’t have taken that advice either.

• An immovable object, my support for Kevin Smith’s movies, meets an unstoppable force — my hatred for “white cop/black cop” movies.

Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan are teaming up for “Cop Out,” which by all indications is about a brash, young African American partnered with the no-nonsense veteran Caucasian as they battle a mastermind criminal. Just like “Rush Hour,” and “Money Talks,” and “Lethal Weapon” (which flipped the white-guy/black-guy roles), and “Showtime,” and “Bulletproof,” and I’ve got a 500 word limit, so never mind.

• The creepiest part of seeing the late Billy Mays still pitching “As Seen on TV” products is when he teases the audience by saying, “But I’m not done yet.”

If only you knew, Ghost of Billy Past. If only you knew.

• I’ll be watching the entire Super Bowl pregame show, and I had better see a documentary on the bumbling history of the New Orleans Saints. It must include the 2003 game the Saints needed to win for a playoff berth, complete with a 75-yard, three-lateral touchdown as time expired ... before veteran kicker John Carney had his first extra-point miss in eight seasons to seal the 20-19 loss.

It must include video of former Saints coach Jim Mora chastising “mentally sick” fans who cheered in 1993 when quarterback Wade Wilson had to leave the game with an injury.

It must include video of Mora’s 1996 tirade, where the Saints, “couldn’t do diddly poo offensively,” and he resigned the next day.

This piece would be funnier than any commercial on Sunday. I guarantee it.


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