Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities
Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities
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Time has been a stern disciplinarian in teaching me that I'm not special or unique — except in the way that everyone is. It's been a shock to learn that my profound thoughts and experiences mean little to others. My life is filled with minutiae: sleeping, eating, showering, dressing, shopping, reading, chit-chatting, exercising… Like everyone, I engage in non-stop internal conversations about the important things I should be doing that drown out my actual activities and conversations. The important things are always just aro...
Taking a cue from fellow columnist and Texas Rangers fan Kevin Wilson, today I'm scattershooting about Facebook. For peace and safety, friends Avis Jones, Ron Barker, Robert Patrick and I declared a unilateral, pre-election ceasefire on political posts. We did reserve the right to comment on others' posts. One poster cited a study that the average IQ of one party's members was 15-20 points higher, and sarcastically wondered why then was their vice president so much dumber than his. Avis commented, "Nah, it's just the general...
A simple solution to prayers at taxpayer-funded events might be ones that admit what we don't know. That should offend everyone equally. This newspaper owns my words for 30 days, but after that feel free to use the following: "God, we do not know if you exist or in what form, but we doubt that you would approve of the ways you've been described. "We know that you are not vindictive enough to slaughter innocent women and children for the sins of men violating legalistic edicts attributed to you in ancient documents cobbled tog... Full story
Since my fourth deviated septum/sinus surgery is scheduled for this Thursday in Fort Worth, it seems like a good time to write my preferred obituary. "After holding a blender too near his pacemaker, Wendel Sloan, 120, passed out for good yesterday at a Jimmy Buffett concert." "The world's oldest parrothead still owed $500,000 on his $500,000 Lamborghini, $7 million on his $7 million mansion and $9 million on his $9 million yacht. "His Rangers' World-Series-winning grand slam home-run baseball, Cowboys' Super-Bowl-winning... Full story
Unprecedented, and possibly illegal, I'm running as a write-in candidate for mayor of Clovis and Portales. I live in Portales, but have spent enough time at Clovis golf courses, Jeff Naggs' dental office and Webb's Watering Hole for dual citizenship. I will debate myself on my dual-hamlet stimulus plans anytime, anywhere. With a horse-drawn carriage sloshing through city streets after a rare rain, we will market Portales as "The Venice of the High Plains." Thanks to Greene Acres Lake's gale-force winds, we will promote...
