The Eastern New Mexico News - Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities

By Karl Terry
Columnist 

Hobbit feet on beauty queen not pretty

 

October 29, 2017



It’s a good thing my wife is a complete beauty queen from the ankles up. If the rest of her was as ugly as her feet I don’t know that our love would have endured.

Her feet were not too amazing when we married. Yes, I did get a good look at them before we were hitched and I pulled the trigger anyway.

They were nearly as big as my feet but that really didn’t cause me any insecurity and if she didn’t mind I shouldn’t either. I figured I would just buy her fuzzy slippers every Christmas and try to forget what was inside them.

Over the years those little piggies just got uglier and uglier. I’m not going to lie; I should have put some money aside for a podiatrist 20 or 30 years ago. I should have at least tucked a gift certificate for a pedicure inside those Christmas slippers.

At some point in our relationship, though, the lady of the house made me her own personal “pedi-man” — and just for the record I don’t have even a bit of a foot fetish.

Toenails and even toes curve under themselves and it is not a pretty sight or for that matter too easy to groom. As they’ve taken on this appearance I’ve taken to calling them Hobbit feet.

If you’re familiar with the “Lord of the Rings” series of books and movies or the book “The Hobbit” by J.R.R. Tolkien you know that the fictional characters known as Hobbits had numerous distinguishing features, among them, feet that were large for the Elven-sized beings. Those feet were know as being pretty knobby with long nails that curved under the toes and hair growing on top of the toe knuckles.

The large size and knobby knuckles with curving nails describe hers pretty well but in fairness there is no hair atop her toes. That would be my toes with the knuckle hair.

I’ve teased her from time to time by trying to lift her foot like a farrier would lift a horse he was shoeing. I don’t think that has bothered her as much as the Hobbit feet tease though.

She kept complaining that I needed to trim a particular nail better because it was digging into one of her other toes. I tried several times with the tools I had and finally told her I would be back in a bit, I was headed to the drugstore to see if they sold Hobbit nail clippers.

“If they don’t sell Hobbit pedicure supplies, I’m going by the veterinary supply and get a set of those hoof nippers like Dr. Pol uses on horses on “The Incredible Dr. Pol.”

I just made it through the door just ahead of the horseshoe she flung in my direction.

Karl Terry writes for Clovis Media Inc. Contact him at: karlterry@yucca.net

 

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