The Eastern New Mexico News - Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities

Proof that aliens live among us


August 24, 2013


I firmly believe in UFOs (“Unidentified” Flying Objects).

No doubt, billions have misidentified kites, blimps, balloons, asteroids, weather phenomena…

Since it would take Earth’s fastest rocket 50,000 years to reach our nearest star, which is too hostile for life, the odds of a spacecraft visiting tiny Earth — out of unknown trillions of astral bodies — is infinitesimal.

It is even more unlikely that a spacecraft with the technology to reach Earth would crash after

The strongest evidence of aliens reaching Earth is the altered brains of humans who have been abducted then released back into the general population.

Only this catch-and-release practice could account for:

• Letting millionaires spoil your weekend because they scored fewer runs, baskets or touchdowns than other millionaires.

• Thinking we know how others “are.”

• Not finding it ironic to hire a known illegal immigrant to mow one’s yard for $20 in 110-degree heat — then sitting back in air-conditioned comfort and nodding approvingly at flickering well-coiffed heads droning on about cracking down on illegal immigrants.

• Not thinking it odd that light was created on the first day and the Sun on the fourth.

• Thinking cowboys only listen to country music, and that pierced people don’t.

• Doubting the validity of birth certificates from states with palm trees.

• Thinking one would never succumb to temptations one has never faced.

• Being a patriot who discourages fellow citizens with different pigmentation from voting.

• Thinking experiences are either totally good or bad.

• Believing that letting others marry will impact your marriage.

• Doubting that humans impact Earth’s ecosystem.

• Thinking Area 51 houses alien skeletons.

If not for these undeniable facts, I would scoff at UFOs. However, daily I witness indisputable evidence we have been infiltrated by them (Unmitigated Freaking Oddballs).

Share conspiracy theories with Wendel Sloan at:

[email protected]


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